Tired

It's time to slow down.

Yellow watermelon, mountains upon mountains of rice, and very big breakfasts. Salsa moves. Nuns who want to learn English. Dudes who rap on public buses for a living. Catholics who speak in tongues. Blind beggars. The Andes. The Amazon. Pollution. Political tension. Talking to girls in Spanglish. Reading novels in Spanish. Skyping you. Watching the St. Louis Cardinals do their thing on any internet stream I can find..

I have spent 12 incredibly weird weeks in Ecuador. But now, it’s time for me to give in and admit it.

I’m tired. 

And worn. 

And fatigued.

And the hardest part is that I feel stuck in my tired state, like I’m unable to change. It’s really a strange feeling. Perhaps you know what I’m talking about? You feel tired, down, and worn, but you can’t really explain why.

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Studying abroad is all about what you want it to be, and I want it to be everything. 

I want to know all of Ecuador, in all of its pride and in all of its shame.

I want to know the uncomfortable feeling of being a minority. I want to embrace a love for dance, for fiesta, for celebration... I want to understand the Ecuadorian’s survival instinct, their fight, their struggle. What is this zest for life? Who are these mestizos? What are they about? 

How can I appreciate a country if I don’t know it? How can I love a people if I don’t understand them? Can you really dance salsa without recognizing its rhythm? 

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Do you see the complexity of my situation? 

It was already beautifully complicated at SLU, with challenging professors and life-giving relationships, but now, now I’m living on the Equator.

Literally on the Equator...

And let me tell you, Ecuador and gringo just don’t mix very well. It’s basic chemistry, oil and water in the same bowl. They are so foreign to each other that one has a hard time getting to know the other. Yeah, we connect on soccer. But come on, isn’t their more to the experience?

I want to know this country so badly. Yet after 12 full weeks, I’ve learned that it takes energy. Lots of energy.   

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My time in Ecuador has filled me with a new exuberance, but at the same time a distinct tiredness too. I have a longing for home, for SLU, for the people I love, for the comfort of Carrollton, for a ham and broccoli calzone from Alfonso’s Pizza!

Though tired, I’m thankful for the new people and the new yellow watermelon. I miss home, but one day, I know that I will miss here too. So in the midst of my tiredness, I keep dancing Salsa, and I call to mind a God who loves his tired, worn children.

Hasta luego, amigos.